Heard on Saturday Night Live

[Jenise]

Tina Fey: "Scientists have discovered a fossil of a 375 million year old fish with a reptilian jaw and a swiveling neck that they say is a long-sought missing link between fish and walking land creatures. Disturbingly, they found it in a Red Lobster fried-seafood platter."

[Robin Garr]

Disturbingly, they found it in a Red Lobster fried-seafood platter."

Oh, that's hilarious! I just spewed bubble water all over the screen!

[Howie Hart]

My mother died last weekend (85 - good long life) and Thursday between sessions of the wake we decided to go to a local Chinese buffet. After dinner my sister insisted everyone read their fortune cookies aloud. My sharp-witted son opened his cookie, removed the message and said "That wasn't really chicken".

[Mike Filigenzi]

Sorry to hear about your mom, Howie.

That's a hilarious thing to get in a fortune cookie, though!!


Mike

[Dale Williams]

Howie, sorry to hear about your mom. Hope she laughed (from a distance!) at your son's joke.

Jenise, indeed funny.

[Larry Greenly]

I occasionally write "Your lunch is free" on the back of the fortune. I've gotten a number of laughs from the Chinese servers.

[Covert]

Your mom will always be with you. I found that over the six years since my mom died, all the ill things I ever thought of her evaporated and all the good things took on greater and greater meeting in my own life.

You know that chicken thing is no joke. I used to eat (I don't use 'dine' here) at a Chinese restaurant in Rochester, NY. The parts of chicken seemed smaller and tougher than the chicken I was used to. I had working apartment a couple of blocks away and for a while noticed members of the Chinese family feeding an ever-growing flock of pigeons on the restaurant roof. I thought it was odd. Daffy white people do stuff like that, but most Chinese are more practical. Then one day the pigeons were gone.

[Howie Hart]

I hadn't considered pigeons, however, the owner of a local Chinese restaurant in Buffalo was arrested for clubbing mallards along the bank of a stream that runs through a park.
Speaking of pigeons, there is a large population of them in and around the plant I work at in Niagara Falls. A few years ago, a Red-Tailed Hawk came swooping down out of nowhere and nailed a pigeon in the girders on the side of the building. After a few minutes it carried the pigeon to a pipe bridge, just below the roof of another building. A robin perched itself on the edge of the roof, just above the hawk. Then two swallows started circling above the hawk and dive bombing its head, while it was trying to eat. Whenever it got distracted enough by the swallows, the robin would jump down from the roof to the pipe bridge and steal a piece of the pigeon. This went on for about a half hour, until the hawk took it's prey and flew away. There was such a crowd gathered watching all this, that we almost had to shut the plant down.

[Jenise]

Howie, it's fun (and sometimes a little cruel) watching nature, isn't it? Sitting out last night we saw a seal about 100 feet off our shore catch a salmon. It is the way of the seal to then slap the fish back and forth on the water's surface to stun it into edible submission. This attracted a bunch of gulls who started circling around, awaiting the inevitable pieces that would float away once the seal got into his fish. And then along came an eagle....

[wrcstl]

I hadn't considered pigeons, however, the owner of a local Chinese restaurant in Buffalo was arrested for clubbing mallards along the bank of a stream that runs through a park.

We lived in Danville Virginia many years ago and a Chinese restaurant we frequented was closed for having cats in their freezer. This is a true story as we were there. They claimed it was for personal use but still makes me wonder when I go to a Chinese restaurant.
Wa;t