Let's give thanks...or not.

Everything about food, from matching food and wine to recipes, techniques and trends.

Moderators: Jenise, David M. Bueker, Robin Garr

Let's give thanks...or not.

Postby Redwinger » Mon Sep 03, 2012 11:27 am

We do not say grace at our home and it has never been a tradition in my family (pagans and heathens all :)).
On Saturday, a few distant relatives (my side) who we had not seen in at least 4 or 5 years stopped by on their way through town and I invited them to stay for dinner and threw a couple of extra critters on the grill.
As we were seated for the meal, one of the invitees immediately started her "let us pray and give thanks" routine that went on for over a minute with thanking or mentioning, jesus, god, mary, the pope and various other deities for the food (she never thanked me BTW). I fumed, but aside from glaring at her during this performance, didn't mention it.

Was she rude or not? I say yes as I'm from My House, My Rules school. NJ says meh.
Smile, it gives your face something to do!
Redwinger
Wine guru
 
Posts: 3859
Joined: Wed Mar 22, 2006 3:36 pm
Location: Way Down South In Indiana, USA

Re: Let's give thanks...or not.

Postby Robin Garr » Mon Sep 03, 2012 11:30 am

Redwinger wrote:Was she rude or not? I say yes as I'm from My House, My Rules school. NJ says meh.

I think you've both got a point. :lol: Bottom line, though, by not reaming her out for saying grace, you were a gracious host. And that's a good thing.
User avatar
Robin Garr
Forum Janitor
 
Posts: 16674
Joined: Fri Feb 17, 2006 2:44 pm
Location: Louisville, KY

Re: Let's give thanks...or not.

Postby Jeff Grossman/NYC » Mon Sep 03, 2012 11:38 am

This is an easy one: your house, your rules. She can say an extra novena at bedtime if she feels she was negligent at the table.
Jeff Grossman/NYC
That 'pumpkin' guy
 
Posts: 2757
Joined: Sat Mar 25, 2006 8:56 am
Location: NYC

Re: Let's give thanks...or not.

Postby Carl Eppig » Mon Sep 03, 2012 12:12 pm

I always ask, "May we say grace?"
Carl Eppig
Our Maine man
 
Posts: 3929
Joined: Tue Jun 13, 2006 2:38 pm
Location: Middleton, NH, USA

Re: Let's give thanks...or not.

Postby Redwinger » Mon Sep 03, 2012 12:32 pm

Carl Eppig wrote:I always ask, "May we say grace?"


Carl-
I'm torn about this approach as well.
Assuming you don't know your host very well, doesn't that put your host in the awkward position of either agreeing to your polite request, or worse yet, saying no, and risk being rude to a guest?
Smile, it gives your face something to do!
Redwinger
Wine guru
 
Posts: 3859
Joined: Wed Mar 22, 2006 3:36 pm
Location: Way Down South In Indiana, USA

Re: Let's give thanks...or not.

Postby Carl Eppig » Mon Sep 03, 2012 1:57 pm

Redwinger wrote:
Carl Eppig wrote:I always ask, "May we say grace?"


Carl-
I'm torn about this approach as well.
Assuming you don't know your host very well, doesn't that put your host in the awkward position of either agreeing to your polite request, or worse yet, saying no, and risk being rude to a guest?



You're correct Winger. I wouldn't even ask unless I knew the people very well, and descerned how they would react. Have done it silently many times in people's home. In a restaurant I don't care what people think!
Carl Eppig
Our Maine man
 
Posts: 3929
Joined: Tue Jun 13, 2006 2:38 pm
Location: Middleton, NH, USA

Re: Let's give thanks...or not.

Postby Jo Ann Henderson » Mon Sep 03, 2012 2:13 pm

I will often give a prayer of thanksgiving for those who are gathered in my home. I don't bless the food perse. I never offer a prayer in someones home in which I am a guest. And, when asked about blessing "the table/food", I always suggest "privately, if you so choose", unless I have invited a pastor to dinner. Then, it is somewhat expected.
"...To undersalt deliberately in the name of dietary chic is to omit from the music of cookery the indispensable bass line over which all tastes and smells form their harmonies." -- Robert Farrar Capon
User avatar
Jo Ann Henderson
Mealtime Maven
 
Posts: 3007
Joined: Fri Feb 16, 2007 10:34 am
Location: Seattle, WA USA

Re: Let's give thanks...or not.

Postby Karen/NoCA » Mon Sep 03, 2012 5:20 pm

Winger, it was gracious of you to zip your lip. Since you do not see them often, a few minutes of being uncomfortable matters not. I would have done the same thing. When our children came along and we were instilling family traditions, etc. we started saying grace at the table for dinner. We always ate dinner together, and the grace just became routine. I think it actually started when the kids attended a Catholic school for a few years in the beginning. Now that the kids are gone, Gene wants to continue with the practice (we are not church goers) so I do it out of respect for his wishes.
When we have company, I let them take the lead if they wish to say grace, other wise we just begin to eat if no one says anything.

One time a guest was asked say grace at the home of friends. He said, "dear Bill and Sally, thank you for preparing this delicious food for all of us, Amen!"

Once at our home on Thanksgiving, I asked our 10 year old grandson, who was attending a religion based school, to say grace. Here is what he said; "Through the lips and over the gums, look out tummy, here it comes. Yea God! Let's eat". We were all so shocked and then broke out into hysterical laughter. I will never forget how funny that was.
Karen/NoCA
Hunter/Gatherer
 
Posts: 5264
Joined: Thu Mar 23, 2006 9:55 pm

Re: Let's give thanks...or not.

Postby Ian Sutton » Mon Sep 03, 2012 7:18 pm

Carl Eppig wrote: Have done it silently many times in people's home.

Bravo! The essence of christianity, as I understand it in this context, is to think, say and do the right thing, not to be seen doing the right thing. A quiet thought to oneself in this setting is a more powerful show of one's respect, both to god and the fellow diners, especially if they know it to be important to you normally.

In their defence, it might be so ingrained in their habit, that they hadn't thought thought anything different might happen at mealtime. i.e it might not have been the ostentatious show of religious piousness it may have seemed.

... and Winger, I agree that by saying nothing (even if internally seething with someone doing the human equivalent of pissing on your territory) you've done the right thing yourself.

regards
Ian
Drink coffee, do stupid things faster
User avatar
Ian Sutton
Spanna in the works
 
Posts: 3652
Joined: Sun Apr 09, 2006 3:10 pm
Location: Norwich, UK

Re: Let's give thanks...or not.

Postby Jenise » Tue Sep 04, 2012 12:54 pm

Jeff Grossman/NYC wrote:This is an easy one: your house, your rules. She can say an extra novena at bedtime if she feels she was negligent at the table.


Agreed. She could even have silently said any prayer she wished to at the table--I often see others do that when enjoying meals away from home.

Bob and I nearly always start every meal with a toast. In its own way, it covers some of the same bases.
My wine shopping and I have never had a problem. Just a perpetual race between the bankruptcy court and Hell.--Rogov
Jenise
FLDG Dishwasher
 
Posts: 25809
Joined: Tue Mar 21, 2006 3:45 pm
Location: The Pacific Northest Westest

Re: Let's give thanks...or not.

Postby Karen/NoCA » Tue Sep 04, 2012 3:26 pm

Bob and I nearly always start every meal with a toast. In its own way, it covers some of the same bases.


Gene and I do that often too, Jenise. We toast to a safe trip to a traveler coming to our home, or leaving. We toast to our children for accomplishments or wishing them luck in ventures they are seeking. We've been known to toast to ourselves for lessons learned. :)
Karen/NoCA
Hunter/Gatherer
 
Posts: 5264
Joined: Thu Mar 23, 2006 9:55 pm

Re: Let's give thanks...or not.

Postby Bill Spohn » Tue Sep 04, 2012 7:10 pm

You should have thanked her and then told her you wanted to also give thanks in your way, the Church of the Aesthetic Hedonist. It would also have been prudent to warn her that it involved lots of dancing and nudity.

Pretty sure next time she came over she'd keep her mouth zipped....
User avatar
Bill Spohn
He put the 'bar' in 'barrister'
 
Posts: 4957
Joined: Tue Mar 21, 2006 8:31 pm
Location: Vancouver BC

Re: Let's give thanks...or not.

Postby Hoke » Tue Sep 04, 2012 8:00 pm

Bill Spohn wrote:You should have thanked her and then told her you wanted to also give thanks in your way, the Church of the Aesthetic Hedonist. It would also have been prudent to warn her that it involved lots of dancing and nudity.

Pretty sure next time she came over she'd keep her mouth zipped....


Hey, that's not the approved rites for the....oh, wait...you said Church of the Aesthetic Hedonist. I thought you were referring to the Church of the Anesthetic Hedonist. That's where you sit staring into nothing for long periods, drinking White Russians, and calling each other "Dude!" And instead of "Amen", you're supposed to say "This will not stand!."
User avatar
Hoke
Achieving Wine Immortality
 
Posts: 10118
Joined: Sat Apr 15, 2006 2:07 am
Location: Portland, OR

Re: Let's give thanks...or not.

Postby Bill Spohn » Tue Sep 04, 2012 8:14 pm

Hoke wrote:And instead of "Amen", you're supposed to say "This will not stand!."


I thought that was the mantra of the Church of St. Impotentia (you know, the ones that put a pebble in one shoe to make them limp.....) :mrgreen:
User avatar
Bill Spohn
He put the 'bar' in 'barrister'
 
Posts: 4957
Joined: Tue Mar 21, 2006 8:31 pm
Location: Vancouver BC

Re: Let's give thanks...or not.

Postby Robert J. » Tue Sep 04, 2012 11:45 pm

I keep a fart tucked away for this very moment.

rwj
Robert J.
Cowboy
 
Posts: 2924
Joined: Thu Nov 23, 2006 2:36 pm
Location: Coming to a store near you.


Return to The Forum Kitchen

Who is online

Users browsing this forum: Lou Kessler and 4 guests